I want to have your abortion
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize