Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize