i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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