dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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