i think my mom watched the whole time
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
