I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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