my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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