I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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