I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
