Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize