so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
