I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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