After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize