Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
