Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
