good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
