Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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