Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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