I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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