The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
