i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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