so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
