you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
