This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
