I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
