Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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