I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
