i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
