I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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