hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
