He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
