True but thats because hes a fetus.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
