I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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