Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
