Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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