She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
