did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
