you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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