The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
