it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
