At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
