I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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