Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
