Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
