Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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