I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
