she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
