walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
