i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
