I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
