After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize