Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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