i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
