i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
