Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
