mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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