we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
