life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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