he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
