I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize