Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
