the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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