can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
