White coat. Heels.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You left your phone here
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