He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
