Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
