moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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