dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
