It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They took my balls.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
