Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
