There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
