Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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