Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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