I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's just like the Real World with babies
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
