there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
